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I was awake in time to see sunrise today, and I was even coherent as I'm often not upon waking, especially not in the summer when I tend not to sleep so well. It was a bright orange sky, and golden light was streaming in through the three living room windows right where I've been doing the Sphere of Protection. just that very portion of the room bathed in sunlight.

A good time to do the ritual.

I'm picking this routine back up again: banishing ritual, meditation, divination. I've been doing the Sphere of Protection off and on for a few years now, never with the consistency I would like. It is time to change that. The last time I tackled this goal I got a good run that lasted almost half a year, before the spiritual crisis came to a head and I was too overwhelmed and depressed to continue with it. I honestly don't think it did me any good, but I get why it happened; longer established routines couldn't withstand that final slam into rock bottom.

I'm starting it from the beginning again, as I've done each time I take too long a break. The opening and the closing. Finally mastered the circulation of light.

I had been avoiding adding gods to the ritual, that being the heart of the problems I've been having. I don't think I want to keep doing it that way, but it will require more thought, more meditation.

I'm also actually trying discursive meditation this time, picking out a theme ahead of time, for now from The Cosmic Doctrine. I use a stick of burning incense to track the time. When it's done, I'll get up for a minute or two, to mentally switch tracks, and sit back down for prayer and offerings. In previous attempts, those two acts were blurred together; this time around I'm keeping them separate.

Tracing back stray thoughts that interrupt the meditation (rather than just shutting them down) has been an interesting experience. Before I might have thought my brain was overactive enough that things come up fairly randomly, but when I focus on it I find that no, however bizarre it is by the time I notice it, there is indeed a clear thread back to the topic at hand. It's been interesting, a chance to get to know just how my mind works in a way I otherwise never would've seen.

Divination is a non standard tarot deck I've been wanting to learn to better use. Three card draw: what is coming, what should I do, what should I not do.

It's been a week now. I want to make it a year this time.

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seasidehermit

November 2020

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